thank god for wake up calls

so you guys remember that boy issue i had a while back, so i was the saddest excuse for a human ever, cause over 3 months later, i still wasn't over him, and i was talking to him via myspace and he called me melissa! hello? how do you forget someone's name when you had THREE classes with them, AND they told you that they had a MAJOR crush on you? for some STRANGE reason i would think that that would stick in your memory! just a little bit! so i've decided that if he can't even remember my name after all this time, that he is SOOOOOOOOO not worth my time! like i said, THANK GOD FOR WAKE UP CALLS, and all i can say is that IT'S ABOUT FREAKING TIME, ok i'm done

for your information

i have another blog, i will still be posting on this one for everyday stuff, or just random updates, but the other one will be used for stories, lyrics, or anything creative that pops into my head, so i just wanted to let all y'all know and give you guys the link, if you care to check it out occasionally, so the link is http://daringdancer.wordpress.com thanks for caring! (if you do that is)

i keep wanting to think of really thought provoking titles,and fail

i love acting, and singing, and dancing, and you would think "oh, that's a great combination for broadway stars, you should do that if you love those things so much" and you would be right, if i were good at any of those things, i LOVE performing, even though i get HORRIBLE stage fright, and i can deal with it when i'm acting, because i'm not ME, i'm someone else, but when i'm singing, i AM me, and everyone knows i'm me, everyone knows that music is my life, so its hard to pretend to be someone else, and when i dance, well i dance ballroom, so for me, its just me and my partner, no one else, so i don't get as nervous, and when i did ensemble dancing, i didn't worry about it, till afterward, if that makes sense, i'm very self conscious, but usually only after the fact, because i know i'm not skinny, and i don't have the best posture, and stuff like that, hmmm, i have digressed again, i was going to talk about how much i love theatre and how much i love acting and stuff like that, well i guess i will just start over from here, haha. ANYWAY, i LOVE acting, when you completely NAIL a performance, it is the BEST feeling in the world, at least to me it is, it's like a natural high and it makes me so happy, NOTHING can bring me down. but i'm not very good, i've auditioned for plays and musicals, and for plays i don't usually get a part (unless it is in a drama class) and for musicals, i've always been ensemble, in the last musical i was in (West Side Story) i was ensemble, but it was the half of the ensemble that didn't sing, yes that's right, i was a Jet Girl, this was one of the only times in my life i was frustrated at my ethnicity, WHY did i have to be scottish? i just HAD to be one of the whitest girls in the production, and what made it worse, was there was a guy that is whiter than i am and was a shark, tell me how that makes sense? (sorry i have digressed...AGAIN, haha) anyway, i love acting, and being up on stage is the best feeling in the world, and i'd love to do it as a career, but that isn't exactly a stable industry, and i'm not good enough to make a career out of it, *sigh* maybe some day

hmmmm

its curious isn't it? how we (well at least i) can feel happy, ecstatic even, i feel like dancing and singing and bouncing, i feel happy and giggly, i want to laugh out loud and just be loud and crazy and happy, but i also feel like crying my fucking eyes out. i have a vague idea where the crying feeling is coming from, and i KNOW that i need to get over him, and that whole thing that happened. i mean JEEZ its been 2 MONTHS, i should totally be over this, but i can't, usually i'm a fighter, if someone breaks my heart, i suck it up and move on, and yeah i've tried to do that, and i have, to a point, but usually after 2 months my heart doesn't ache anymore, but this time it's different, and this is also the first time i've ever liked a guy with a girlfriend, well first time to my knowledge, and true in my defense i didn't know that he had a gf when i told him that i liked him, and usually if i find something like that out, then my i back off, immediately, and then my feelings fade relatively quickly, i'm not one to fall for someone else's guy, but this time its different...................ok this was SO not the point of this blog, but w/e, i tend to let my mind go crazy in these things and the focus tends to shift, hahaha, well that's me i guess, lol

i can't think of a suitable title for this blog

i miss dancing. i haven't danced since the 18th of december, i miss it! i miss hanging out and having fun with my dancing friends, i can be myself around them, i feel totally at ease when i dance, even though i shouldn't because i'm not graceful AT ALL, but when i'm dancing i FEEL graceful, and no one makes any snide comments about how clumsy i am. i KNOW i'm not the best dancer in the world, but no one holds that against me, guys ask me (ME!) to dance, even knowing how i talk and laugh loudly, and i trip over my own feet, if i screw up i laugh and then they laugh with me, and the same goes for if they screw up (most of the time, this mostly happens with jason) and since we are all there to learn i ask them to tell me what i'm doing wrong (my usual offense is back-leading oops!) and then they ask me to tell them what they are doing wrong, and their usual offense is that they don't have strong enough frame, but usually i'm just having fun learning new things and making new friends. my mom was being amazingly sweet and was looking up places where i could dance over break and i was all like "thanks mom, but i miss my chico dancing group, my west coast swing friends, and studio one is so much fun (even though i've only been once) i didn't even dance that much (curse of being shy) but when i did i had fun, except for one incident, yeah this ALWAYS asks me to dance, and he's kind of a creeper, but i said yes when he asked me anyway and led me into a basket whip, and i couldn't go as far over to the side as i normally would because there was a couple right there so i made it smaller, and he, well, didn't, so i stepped on his feet, and then he did something and i ran into a couple on one side of us, and he tried to fix it, but over corrected and i ran into the couple on the other side of us, yeah by this point i was glad the song was going to end soon (yes i can usually tell) so that was the only dance i danced with him that night, and i was embarassed when ever i saw any of the people i ran into for the rest of the night (even though it wasn't my fault) but that was a great day, with two of my best dancing buddies, jackie and sami, total unplanned, unintentional girl's night right there, it was great, but i seem to have digressed, i was going to talk about how much i love dancing and why. the why's are basically because when i have a really good leader that won't let me back-lead or anything its great, i have a blast and most of the guys i know that i dance with that are amazing leaders (*cough*jason and kevin*cough*) will laugh with me when i can't get something right, and will work with me until i do, or at least until we change partners, jason and i were both learning this new move and neither of us could get it right and we finally figured out how to do it and then we changed partners and this guy led it slightly differently and it was like "WTF IS GOING ON?? I'M SO CONFUSED" (in my head obviously, but you get the point) but it was still fun, i love dancing, i've always been a fan of dancers, the way they can move their bodies, the seemingly effortless way they hold themselves and glide across the floor, and i love dancing a lot too, i know i'll never be the world's best dancer or anything, but taht doesn't matter, as long as i have fun, and can be myself while doing it, that's fine by me! and seeing as how i lost my original train of thought i'll stop now, if it comes back to me i'll post another blog post or something

i've decided............

that my piano final is going to kick my ass. i have less than 24 hours to practice major and harmonic minor scales, ALL of the chord progressions, learn my harmonization exercise in TWO keys (and i don't even know if i have the chords right) AND learn/memorize my solo recital piece (and i can do both hands, just NOT TOGETHER) and get it down so well that i can do ALL of this in SIX FUCKING MINUTES!!!!!!!!!!!! there is NO WAY in hell i can do this, maybe i'll just give up and retake piano 1 next year. OH and i need to find time to write my English paper, eat and sleep, FUCKING A!!!!!!!!!! at least i'm not all that worried about my theory or aural musicianship finals. but piano is going to KICK MY ASS!!!! i'll be SOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad when this week is over, actually i'll be fucking ecstatic when tuesday is over. yeah that's basically it. have a good fucking day.

synchroblog 3: Christmas

a lot of people spend christmas with their mom and dad and brothers and sisters (if they have them) well the last time it was only my mom and dad and sister (past tense so yes sister) was when i was 3 years old. since then i've NEVER had a small family get together, and it seems that as i get older we ADD more people. people move closer to us, or something, idk. since then it has almost always been me, my sister, my momma, my grandpa, my grandma, my aunt and uncle, and since sixth grade, my cousin. on christmas eve my family would make tamale pie, i didn't used to like it, but now i do, and then my mom and aunt would go next door and exchange presents with them, while my sister, grandparents and i would put up the stockings and put out the cookies for santa. there was one year that i wanted to write a letter for santa to read that night, not an "i want this for christmas" kind of letter, just something for him read and spend some time relaxing for a few extra seconds. i woke up the next morning and he had written back! i was so happy. then for christmas day my sister would always wake me up, and i'd try to ignore her (i was never a morning person, not even on christmas day) then we'd have to wake my mom up and they'd watch us open our stockings, while they opened theirs (santa came for children of all ages in our house) and every year santa would forget that my mom was allergic to oranges and tangerines, so my sister and i would always take them. oh and every year we always got a teddy bear in our stockings, there was only one year where it was an exception and we got stuffed dogs, that was my favorite stuffed animal, and would still be my favorite stuffed animal if i could find it :( then my sister and i would take everyone's stockings and empty the nuts in the toes into our nut bowl in our kitchen, and we'd take everyone's fruit and put it in their respective places. oranges in the bowl in the kitchen, apples in the fridge, and so on. then after we had finished with that, we would all get together and eat breakfast, homemade waffles, fried eggs and sausage. my grandpa would cook the sausage ahead of time and would put it in the oven on broil so it would stay warm, and my grandma would make the eggs after she made the waffle batter, and my grandpa would sit at the head of the table making the waffles on the waffle maker that they got for their wedding (yes it still works!) we'd sit around our table and eat and talk and laugh and then we would all help with the dishes and afterward my sister and i would hand out the presents and we would all sit in the living room and open our presents. the rest of the day was spent cleaning up and finding places to keep all of our new goodies. and for dinner we have turkey or ham or something, and this is a holiday tradition (we have it for thanksgiving as well) we have jell-o salad, well technically ribbon salad. its great it is three layers and for christmas, we have red jell-o on the bottom, the classic middle white layer, that i still don't know whats in it, besides pineapple and pineapple juice, and then on top its green (and the way we get my grandma to remember is "the green of the christmas tree" and for thanksgiving it is the same, but the red and green jell-o layers are switched) then our family from oregon comes down for new years and we usually do a separate christmas with them. but i guess to me christmas is about being with family, and i know this is gonna sound awful, but it just isn't the holidays unless someone fights, it happens every year, and while i hate it, i've come to expect it, and just kind of let it happen. but at the end of the day, we still love each other

i would post what other people are doing this, but idk yet, not very many so far.

MERRY CHRISTMAS (or if you celebrate anything other than christmas HAPPY (insert holiday here)!!!!!!)