my halloween wish(es)

i would give ANYTHING to be genuinely happy again. i haven't been happy in i don't even know how long, and it sucks. the thing is, no one knows that i feel this way, and the ones that do pick up on me being super sad and stuff are always like "what's wrong? cheer up!" and i always want to smack them and say "don't you think that if i could help feeling like this, i would?" i mean, seriously? why on earth would i want to feel this sad and depressed this much? i think part of it is, i just don't feel like i completely belong anywhere, i mean sometimes i think i do, but then i feel like people get tired of me or something. idk, i always think that i have really awesome friends, and then sometimes when we're together i get the feeling like they just wish i would go away. i'm terrified that this is gonna happen with my best friend right now, cause we're kinda getting to the point where my truly awesome friends start forsaking me for new friends or better friends. they'll stop telling me when the group is going somewhere or doing something, and i always try really hard to include everyone in group stuff. i just don't know why i feel like people don't like me, i go through groups of friends super fast, and it sucks, i just wish i knew what i was doing so i could know if i could fix it or not. i just wish people liked me