fate's a bitch

it so isn't fair how much i like this guy. and if you don't know what guy, go read my previous blog titled "Should I.....?" i want to tell him, but not. i've learned the hard way to guard my heart closely, i don't want to get hurt again. i know its inevitable, but it still sucks. i know it will happen sooner or later, i just tend to lean towards later in this respect. i want to be more outgoing, i NEED to be more outgoing, but for this? can't i just be old fashioned in this one thing?? i'm a total feminist, all for women empowerment and all that jazz. i've been taught, and i believe that women can do everything men can do, some things better, and stuff, but i'm still old fashioned in some respects, like waiting for a guy to ask you for a dance, and wanting a guy to ask you out or something. i've had my share of asking guys out, and got shot down on every single one of them. it sucks......................a lot. i REALLY wanna tell him, but i don't want him to like laugh at me or something, or think that its "cute" i've had that happen too, it sucked, it hurt, i almost socked him. i just one guy to prove to me that they aren't all the same ya know? the reason i'm afraid that that will happen, is cause he's 22, and i'm 18, i don't know why that makes a difference now, but it does to me. this is no worse, or different, than those stupid crushes i had as a freshmen on the seniors in high school, except that this a bit more than a silly crush to me. now i need to grow a spine and tell him, and i was planning on it on friday, but i had friends with me, i wasn't planning on that, and they were practically dragging me out the door, (what a drag, haha, jk christine) so yeah, i'll probably end up telling him eventually, but it won't be in the prefered way (face-to-face) since i never see him, so it will probably be via internet (i know, not the classiest way to go about this, but yeah. thats basically it. and it sucks!