i don't know what to say, i thought i had ideas when i wanted to write, but now i'm basically clueless. hmm, i don't know what i've been doing lately. my best friend and i had a major fight and she doesn't consider us friends anymore. i'd prefer to still be friends, just because we've been through so much together. *sigh* i'm not gonna lie, i knew we were drifting apart, but i was hoping that i was wrong. truthfully, i saw this coming like a semi-truck. oddly enough i think i've been drifting apart from the people that were in my graduating class and closer to people that are a few years younger than i am. well with a few exceptions, i have been getting closer with some people older than i am and one person in my graduating class. i didn't/don't want this to be true, but i know it is. the only thing i can do now is trust in God because i know he has a plan for me and he has my best interest in heart and mind. it is kind of annoying and confusing when i don't always know what he means in what he does for me. but i have to trust in him. oh well. hope everyone has fun while i'm sweating and aching in New Orleans

*sigh*

Some times i just wish we could all go back to elementary school. it was so much easier then, i'm excited to be on my own soon, but does everyone have to be such a bitch? i don't know what to do anymore, i wish people would stop treating me like i know everything, i don't. i'm only seventeen. i know the common perception of teenagers is that we think we know everything and we think we are invincible, but i never thought that. i've never thought i was invincible, i've never known everything, in fact, for most of my life i thought i didn't know anything at all, the only thing in my life that came even remotely easy to me was music and even that has almost always been a challenge, but that's why i love it, it has always challenged me, yeah its frustrating at times, but i've also been modest about it. thats probably because i've had so many people tell me that i suck. i've had more people tell me that i'm good, no one has ever said, "oh you were great" or "That was terrific!" at least not people i knew were telling the truth. i've never been stellar at math, in fact in 7th grade i failed my exit skill in math, not even my friends that have had to repeat math courses have ever said that. ha. i'm kind of happy to be leaving and to make new friends, not that i don't love my friends here, but i do think that some of them need to grow up a little sometimes. there are times when immaturity is fine and i love it, but other times, its tiring. there are also times when i feel like crying and dancing all at once. when i'm proud of myself for standing up for myself (i have a history of being a wallflower) but sad cause i might lose a close friend over my standing up for myself. i feel like crying, just curling into a little ball and disappearing, i doubt anyone other than my immediate family would miss me anyway. everyone seems a little weird to me, like really touchy or something. i don't know what it is but i think its catching like a plague or something. i want to be happy, i really do, i'm excited to go to new orleans and help people (i'm not bragging, i don't brag, i don't even like writing essays about what i did over the summer when the most influential thing i did all summer was my mission trip) i had to put what i did in the way of public service for a scholarship once and i think i down played it way too much, but oh well, i don't want praise, i do it because i like to, i have fun doing it, if someone notices and says thank you for doing this, or we are proud of you for doing this, i'll probably blush and say thank you, or it was nothing or no big deal or something like that. im also excited to see my friends that i only see about twice a year. i am so excited for college! i mean i get to meet new people, experience things for myself, i can have alone time if i need it, i mean, what's not to be excited about!? i love my friends and everything, but i need time away from these same old people that i've known forever and this same old town that i've lived in since i was three, i need time to spread my wings and fly (sorry for over used metaphor) but it is finally my time to earn my stripes earn my chance to escape. ya know? sometimes i just wish that people could read my thoughts it would change so much of everyday life. no one would have build up feelings anymore and maybe we could finally have peace in the desolate land we call earth. and now i'm done cause i can't really type anymore. if you read this then congrats you know some of the inner most workings of my mind.

college schedule (revised)

Monday, Wednesday, and Friday i have Academic Writing (ewwww, but it is GE required!)

Tuesday and Thursday i have Music Theory I, Aural Musicianship I (Ear Training), and Beginning Piano I

Tuesday i have Women's Ballroom

Friday i have Math 051 (ew algebra! but easy A since i'm good at algebra and then second semester i actually get to take my GE math class!!! YAY)

i added a class on mondays from 7-10 pm and that class would be university choir, which is kinda like sonoma valley chorale

COLLEGE SCHEDULE!!!!!

Monday, Wednesday, and Friday i have Academic Writing (ewwww, but it is GE required!)

Tuesday and Thursday i have Music Theory I, Aural Musicianship I (Ear Training), and Beginning Piano I

Tuesday i have Women's Ballroom

Friday i have Math 051 (ew algebra! but easy A since i'm good at algebra and then second semester i actually get to take my GE math class!!! YAY)

God Bless
Amanda C.

PS if you read this then you either have no life, or you really love me! yay!

orientation

So, i have orientation on Monday and Tuesday. i'm leaving tomorrow after my church's Cafe du New Orleans. i don't even get to help with that since i have a job during this. yay uppity parents *rolls eyes* only two more weeks of working there, and then i get to start the job search in chico, on campus if i want that financial aid thing. blarg. but i get to share a dorm with a person with the same major as i do, so i probably won't hate her. that'll be fun. so it takes three hours to get to chico from here, and the Cafe ends at 1 pm, and sign in for dorms starts at 1 pm, so that will be interesting. i think my sister will have to bail on the Cafe early. i hope Dawne's okay with that. *shrugs* yeah orientation should be fun. i hope it is anyway. there is so much crap i need to take w/ me for that. ugh, but yeah still, its orientation. anyway i hope you enjoyed reading this short excerpt from my very boring life.

FUCK

so i spent the night at my church for game night. that was fun, we played apples to apples for like 2 hours or something, we watched the pilot episode of Firefly, kinda sorta watched Robin Hood Men in Tights, but in the middle of that we took silly string and sprayed Dawne, our youth leader, then Ronnie, the Jon Reynolds, then Emily Hawing, and they sprayed me, which was totally uncalled for and Jessie Claeys (spelling?) was there, but she didn't shake her silly string enough so it came out in a powder or something, not stringy at all, which pissed every one off and she didn't like help clean up, she wouldn't even go get her own god damn pillow.

anyway i was woken up by ronnie and jon being asses and then i had to eat, pack, get dressed for vacation bible school, and set up my booth for vacation bible school in ten minutes. and then it got even better, i had virtually no kids at my booth, not even to finish or pick up their weaving, and i got heckled by little kids because i was the friend of the guy who denied Jesus three times (Peter if any of you are curious) it is really hard to get heckled by little kids that know that i don't really hate Jesus, but my character does, it is hard enough to be a Jesus hater without being heckled by 6 year olds. but i did get to by the Jerusalem Marketplace Music CD, i know it is music for kids, but it is cute and i liked it so i spend 5 dollars on it. i came home cause my sister wouldn't let me go and look at and pet the animals :-( so i went home and it must have been drive as slowly as possible and piss off amanda day or something cause i got behind the slowest cars on my way home. blah. that sucked.

when i got home my mom wanted to run to SRJC in Petaluma, but my sister threw a fit saying "i'm hungry, i'm tired, i just want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a nap" well so was i, she did not need to take it out on us, just because ronnie was an ass and a bottom-less pit and she dawdled in getting out of bed and getting dressed. so she didn't get to eat, also it is called a phone call someone to bring something for her to eat, it isn't that hard. and she could have come over to my booth for 10 seconds at any point in the day to get some freaking almonds. anyway so she like sat on me, my mom started freaking yelling at me for something she needs to do. it was just not good, i started crying, which was kinda a relief cause i've been feeling like a need a good cry for a while now, but i haven't been able to. but then i like stubbed my toe on a chair really hard and started crying again. caitlin kept turning my music off when ever i was listening to it, that pissed me off, and was probably the reason i started crying when ppl were yelling at me, i can usually hold it together, but it is easier if there is music going, also i don't get road rage when i have the radio on, so basically music keeps me sane, which is why i almost always have some music on.

i talked to various people throughout the day. debi came over and i saw and helped her name a baby rat so that was fun, but after she left i got my ETS scores back and i got 150 on English and 50 in math. the cutoff for English was supposed to be 151, so that pissed me off, but i still get to take a normal level English class, but i have to retake algebra. blarg. oh and i'm taking like 6 classes when my mom said i should take like 4, but i still need 15 units a semester in order to graduate on time and some of my 6 classes are only like 1 unit like my dance class and i have 3 classes that the units amount to 5 units total, but i need all of them and they come in a package deal or something. it just sucked

i was trying to find some place to stay in Chico with my mom for orientation, but since a lot of people had to be evacuated because of the fires, all of the hotels are full. so that really sucked.

oh and during the game night for my youth group jessie like didn't know anything about any of the cards. she couldn't even pronounce chameleon. seriously it made me want to curl up in a little ball and cry for the future of America. ronnie actually hit himself over the head w/ a DVD case so hard that it broke. so there were good parts and bad parts, but as in almost all aspects of life, the bad outweigh the bad. oh and you can bet your ass i'll be praying tonight, for patience for tomorrow, for hopefully a better day tomorrow, and yeah just better all i around i hope. God Bless you all. i just realized that in order for God to come through sometimes and prove that he does love you, but he will challenge you, he has to give you a crappy day. that is part of life and part of God's love. he will never throw something your way that you can't over come!

confuzled?

here's the thing, i don't know if i like this guy. he's really sweet and funny and everything, but he's like my little brother. we tease each other constantly like siblings do, but lately, at youth group, i've been wanting to kiss him. NONE OF THIS MAKES ANY SENSE TO ME!!! i mean, besides the fact that i'm going away to college soon i couldn't possibly date him, he's already made it blatantly obvious that we are like siblings. i just don't know what to do. i want to cry too. argh!!!!


a definite girls night is in order.

help?

I'm so stressed out right now. i can't even place why, i keep blaming it on stuff that never used to bother me. like work and school stuff, maybe my mom's stress is contagious. maybe it's all just piling up, that and i have no idea where my summer's gone, i only have about 11 days left! i have to pack for college, learn how to ride my bike and then figure out how to get it to chico, i haven't been to the gym in ages, or water aerobics in ages either. i was writing yesterday and instead of making me feel better like it usually does, i got all depressed. my mom's all in my face about financial aid when she didn't check her financial situation til now and all the financial aid applications for chico were due in may. and she keeps going on about how i need my costume and i got everything out and she said we'd do it after show was over and then she started watching something else. i just don't know what to do about her!!!! some times i think her having kids was a bad idea, but then i wouldn't be here and i wouldn't have learned what not to do when i have my own kids. so yeah silver lining with that. argh i'll post more later, when i actually know what is going on!

memories from the fourth

ok so i've never been all that out-going, i think my most out-going moment was when i said hi to Rose McMackin in kindergarten and we were friends till like fifth grade or something

Anyway so this was when we went on like three or four family vacations a year two to Oregon and two to Pismo Beach or something. one year we went to Oregon and flew kites before the fireworks and hung out with Tricia's (one of my friends) friends and Caitlin had a major crush on this guy, it was kinda cute, but i never really liked him, but i tagged along because it was better than being stuck at the back of the truck with my family, who were drunk by this point. They had decided to bring their dogs, because they are a sucker for Anna and she wanted to bring the dogs or something along those lines, so being dogs, they got scared as soon as the fireworks started and we had to leave and go home so that they wouldn't run away.

Another year we went to Pismo for the Fourth. it was great, until our motor home got stuck in the sand because we under estimated the high tide. but we roasted marshmallows and had a blast watching two sets of fireworks. we would say ooh on one side and aah on the other. it was great. oh and we spent the entire day at the beach boogie boarding and digging holes and building sand castles and exploring the Dunes, because every time we went up it was a new adventure. it was a blast

for many years after that our family/friends from Washington State would come up for the races and stay for the fourth. since i never liked the races i would stay home with my mom and baby sit the bratty seven-year-old. debi can vouch for me, taya was a brat!! and they would come home and we would go to the fourth of july parade and they would get tired so i would have to come home with them so that would suck, but then we would go to a barbecue and then we always go to the fireworks really early and play games (mainly "Apples to Apples") till it gets too dark to see and then we play by the light of flash lights until the fireworks start, oh and we always laugh at my grandma's totally weird fear of bats, thats always fun.

one year debi came and stayed at my house for that entire week of the fourth, while her parents went camping. that was fun, and i'm surprised that we didn't kill each other, i don't even remember all of that summer other than debi practically lived at my house.

this summer i went to the parade, by my self, well besides my sister, and found friends and called Mrs. McElroy Barb, that was awesome. and i found friends and hung out, but almost everyone had to leave early so caitlin and i went too and helped my family w/ our barbecue, and when we were there, one of my family members was a complete and total ass well here is the whole story:

well jackie, one of our neighbors, is in a wheel chair and we invited her, because we love her, and her plate tipped over and his fam's dog was cleaning up like dogs do ya kno, and he yelled at me to not let her eat it (one she's not my dog, and 2 my dog was on a leash and restrained!) and then he yelled at me to try and clean it up off of jackie's chair but i didn't have anything to clean it up with so he practically threw a napkin at me and my aunt came over and brushed it off of jackie's chair and everything so it was totally fine, he was the only person that made a big deal out of it and everything and then after jen and i had it under control and got Jackie a new plate we went to get our own dinner and he cleaned it up off of the ground and then acted all high and mighty

he drives me crazy!!! ugh but, anyway after dinner i took zannah into my house and showed her some stuff and we basically hid in my room till he went home and then we proceeded to get ready for the fireworks, which were fun, my aunt, uncle, cousin, sister, zannah and i played "Apples to Apples" and then zannah had to leave so we kept playing and then becky came and she wanted to play and then a bunch of other ppl came and wanted to play so we were playing in the dark and it was pretty hilarious then we all watched the fireworks and keith koch and i conjectured about if aliens come to earth it would be to the USA on the fourth of july and we would get the earth annihilated, so basically all the time before and most of it after the incident were pretty cool

i hope everyone else had an amazing/awesome fourth of july

fourth of july

ok so i was woken up by my cats causing mayhem in my room. my sister thought it would be a fun way to wake me up, yeah i hate her, anyway they were runing everywhere bending my blinds and eating my flowers and knocking over my coke bottle vase for said flowers. at one point he, max, ran over my head and pulled my hair, how i'm not entirely sure. anyway that sucked and then my grandma didn't want me to drive to the parade with my sister and was all worried and shit, so then when we got her agree to let me drive, we had to go over to my mom's house and wake her up so that she could write a note so i could actually, legally drive my sister today. so that was fun, not. then we got to the parade and she went off and did her thing, which kinda annoyed me, but w/e and i talked to barb at the snow cone booth and i saw kelly marie, i missed her, i haven't seen or talked to her since caravan last year. oh and i talked to gibby, that was fun, i hung out w/ the twins, all three of them (jeremy, justin, and nathan). and then i came home and made salsa, which i think james copied the recipe down wrong cause it doesn't look right, it still tastes good, but yeah it doesn't look the right consistancy, but it's still good, i need to confront him about that. i'm getting ready for a barbecue and hopefully suzannah is coming soon cause talking to my family about autism is kinda a downer. but yeah that should be fun? and then i'm going to the fireworks with same family except then they will probably be drunk and a whole hell of a lot more fun. but still annoying, just a different brand of annoying. oh and we were confronted by a creepy homeless(?) guy that has always kinda freaked me out, it doesn't matter that everyone says he is harmless, he is still freaky. so yeah that is/was my fourth of july. HAVE A GOOD FOURTH OF JULY!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I PASSED MY DRIVER'S TEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is one of the best days of my life, and the best week of my life continues, only now it is the best two weeks of my life so far. omigod!!!!!!!!!! i took in in vallejo and it was on of the longest times of my life, it was crazy, but now i'm hella happy. oh and to everyone that cares, namely nathan and anyone else, i promise that i will start to write in it so all y'all can know whats happening in chico!!!!!