Some times i just wish we could all go back to elementary school. it was so much easier then, i'm excited to be on my own soon, but does everyone have to be such a bitch? i don't know what to do anymore, i wish people would stop treating me like i know everything, i don't. i'm only seventeen. i know the common perception of teenagers is that we think we know everything and we think we are invincible, but i never thought that. i've never thought i was invincible, i've never known everything, in fact, for most of my life i thought i didn't know anything at all, the only thing in my life that came even remotely easy to me was music and even that has almost always been a challenge, but that's why i love it, it has always challenged me, yeah its frustrating at times, but i've also been modest about it. thats probably because i've had so many people tell me that i suck. i've had more people tell me that i'm good, no one has ever said, "oh you were great" or "That was terrific!" at least not people i knew were telling the truth. i've never been stellar at math, in fact in 7th grade i failed my exit skill in math, not even my friends that have had to repeat math courses have ever said that. ha. i'm kind of happy to be leaving and to make new friends, not that i don't love my friends here, but i do think that some of them need to grow up a little sometimes. there are times when immaturity is fine and i love it, but other times, its tiring. there are also times when i feel like crying and dancing all at once. when i'm proud of myself for standing up for myself (i have a history of being a wallflower) but sad cause i might lose a close friend over my standing up for myself. i feel like crying, just curling into a little ball and disappearing, i doubt anyone other than my immediate family would miss me anyway. everyone seems a little weird to me, like really touchy or something. i don't know what it is but i think its catching like a plague or something. i want to be happy, i really do, i'm excited to go to new orleans and help people (i'm not bragging, i don't brag, i don't even like writing essays about what i did over the summer when the most influential thing i did all summer was my mission trip) i had to put what i did in the way of public service for a scholarship once and i think i down played it way too much, but oh well, i don't want praise, i do it because i like to, i have fun doing it, if someone notices and says thank you for doing this, or we are proud of you for doing this, i'll probably blush and say thank you, or it was nothing or no big deal or something like that. im also excited to see my friends that i only see about twice a year. i am so excited for college! i mean i get to meet new people, experience things for myself, i can have alone time if i need it, i mean, what's not to be excited about!? i love my friends and everything, but i need time away from these same old people that i've known forever and this same old town that i've lived in since i was three, i need time to spread my wings and fly (sorry for over used metaphor) but it is finally my time to earn my stripes earn my chance to escape. ya know? sometimes i just wish that people could read my thoughts it would change so much of everyday life. no one would have build up feelings anymore and maybe we could finally have peace in the desolate land we call earth. and now i'm done cause i can't really type anymore. if you read this then congrats you know some of the inner most workings of my mind.
2 comments:
bleh. I'm equally scared and excited for school. probably more excited because I know the town and campus pretty well already, but scared because I'll be alone for the first time ever. I'm sure most if not all teens experience this feeling at that point in their lives, when they're off to college and such, and whether they know it or not, the people around them are experiencing the same thing and aren't as intimidating as any one person may think everyone else is.
excuse the grammatical incorrectness and overall incoherency of the previous paragraph, I haven't learned how to make my language skills last until 3:30am yet. :(
1) Christine: I've been though a year of college and have not managed to keep my language skill things at ANY hour of the night. It doesn't matter as much as people say.
2) Amanda: It's okay to be scared. It's natural. I was. I certainly didn't expect to hang out with the twins and become as close to them as I have. Follow this advice: don't spend the first four days after move-in your room on AIM watching the directors commentary to Back to the Future repeatedly. Instead, go meet people. That's what I shoulda done. I managed to rectify my mistake, but stuff happens.
3) the friends? Your true friends will always be there for you. Everyone gets irritated with everyone at some point in time for some period of time. But the good friends, the true ones? They'll always be there.
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